Many well-known relationship coaches and influencers are currently discussing "the myth of the spark." The popular belief is that feeling an immediate "spark" when meeting someone is not essential for a successful relationship. The notion of being swept away by a sudden chemical connection is considered overrated, often promoted by the beauty industry and reminiscent of Disney fairy tales. Some even argue that this feeling may indicate underlying childhood traumas shared by both individuals.
While I acknowledge that this perspective holds some truth, I wonder if we've dismissed too much of the traditional view. Additionally, what does this mean for singles seeking meaningful connections?
Which sensations should you rely on when deciding whether to go on a second date? What draws us toward someone when there is no magnetic pull thrusting us together? t How many dates should you have with someone while waiting for a gradual connection, or a slow burn to develop? Does a foundation of friendship become more important than chemistry as we mature?
As a coach who helps people tune into their bodies and their intuition, I imagine the answers to these questions are as varied as the individuals who ponder them. So, my challenge to those who are single is to really feel into what IS occurring if there are no traditional fireworks. Is there a warmth? Is there curiosity? Is there some part of your body, mind or spirit that lights up? How present can you be to what is happening inside you as you are experiencing this person?
And what else is happening if you ARE experiencing that big fireworks energy? Is it nourishing you or pointing you away from yourself? Is it calling forth the best parts of yourself? Is it invoking excitement or anxiety? Can you describe the sensations you are feeling in your body?
The more aware we become of our experience, the better choices we will make. This truth is deeper than deciding whether a spark is important or not. This truth is where we should rest as we explore human connection.
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